Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
