he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
