all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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