Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Found the puke drawer
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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