I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
