he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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