I'm eating all of the evidence.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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