what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
