We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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