I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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