I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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