WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
