Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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