We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
