i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
