did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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