Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
