the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
