ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
