Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
