omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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