the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
