i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
