just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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