Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
