Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
