: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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