So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
