I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I enjoy the company of your penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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