I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
