I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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