new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
