Do you still have your period?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
