it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
