I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
