Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
