i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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