I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
