We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
