Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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