Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
