Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
