So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
