is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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