Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
