butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
