Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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