I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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