So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
