Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
