yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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