Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
